Something to ponder about

The moment I went near him, I was overcome by love.
Oh how much I miss him......he seems to ignore me for the last few months.
I'm sure there's a reason for that but I simply can't do anything.
I have been a great disappointment to him.....I know that.
I just wish he understands how I feel one fine day.
Blood is thicker than water after all.....so pls forgive me.
Spend quality time at home with family and my babies.
Missing them so much....the time spent with them is simply not enough.
I'm glad I managed to settle some things yesterday. Phew! Felt so good.
I do feel I lead a simple life and it's obvious I am a simple girl.....isn't it?
But to some, yes to some people I'm obviously NOT.
And it really makes me wonder why. Why huh?
They said I'm complicated in every single way...
in everything, difficult to understand the way I think, my feelings and all.
And I can tell you this.......I'M DUMBFOUNDED!

A year older yet again.....

Cut my birthday cake near to midnight last friday....hmmm.....
Such a nice feeling of being 27? Neh.....
Getting older and older......clocks ticking away.......
It's the first time he never wished me Happy Birthday.
It's his wishes I'm actually waiting for....But nope he did not wish me at all....
It's sad I must say......I know I have been a disappointment lots of times....
But them I'm still his own flesh and blood after all. Sigh.....
I'm getting a headache just thinking of it.
Cut another birthday cake at my uncle's place last saturday at my cuz's engagement!
They really "surprised" me man with all the whispers here and there....
But then I happened to see the birthday cake.....Hehehe....Funny lah....
My eyes went teary the moment they sang the birthday song.
Not sure why but I feel sad.....But certainly I was touched by their gestures.
My fav auntie and cousins were invited to the engagement as well.
And they gave me a super "lovely" gift. Thanks dearies! Hahaha!

Yesterday, we went shopping at Robinsons City Hall with my mum's sisters.
Super kecoh lah these people. I can't shop in peace!
With the niece and nephew running around and all.
It was so tiring! So tiring but fun....been so long since we last went out together.
Then we head on to Arnold at City Plaza for dinner.

Happy 27th at the strike of 12!

At the strike of 12 am later, I will be 27.
So fast the years flew by.
I don't know why but I'm feeling so so sad at this very moment.
I can feel tears welling up in my eyes but I tried my very best to control it.
I'm disappointed.....and that's one word to describe how I feel now.
People change and I can't deny that. How do I find people who can understand me?
Who knows just what actions and words thats hurting me?
I wanna be happy....yes I do.....I wanna jump up high and fly.....
I wanna feel the happiness that some people feel.
Am I gonna spend my birthday in tears?
I wanna be loved by people dear to me......
I need a hug......warm hug by people who sincerely cares......
Who love me for who I am.....who won't hurt me and stab me in the back.....

Last but not least,
Happy Birthday to Me.....
And to my other half, Happy 27th Birthday to you love.....
May you be blessed always....I love you....

I'm really overcome by sadness right at this moment.
I just wish my boss wouldn't look at me right now....coz for sure
he will ask lots and lots of questions....dats the last thing I need now.

Been in a daze

Work been hectic lately draining the energy out of me.
Coming back to work on weekends certainly is SHITTY!
Wonder what's up with that man in the big room?
Maybe he just needs a damn good ****.

What have I been thinking lately? Sigh.......
What I felt is beyond conversation, felt melancholy and dizzy with
wanting something completely out of reach.
Can I ever reach out to it? It's always been something temporary.
The excitement eventually invariably faded and gone.
Temporary happiness and satisfaction. Is that what I really want?
A temporary hidden agenda which thrills me to my very soul.
In a small breathless voice, I keep telling myself, "I wanna forget everything".
I wanna start life anew, afresh and tame. Yes I do.
But it seems to me I'm pretending when I do things like that.
I avoid being in contact with several human beings.
I know I can actually fight for what I want right from the start.
Even when things happened in the past.
But it's going to break several people's heart.
It's gonna cause lots of chaos and I can't bear to do all that.
It's going to break me into pieces.
And who knows the magic will all end once it happened.
I don't want that. I rather stay put to where I stand now.
I guess I got to put it all aside and just move on.

I'm missing lots of people right now.
My sweethearts, my cuzzies, my family too not sure why.
My other half who seems like a stranger to me now.
Our birthday is coming soon love......
I miss you, your craziness, your warmth and your love.
And several other people.
Till then, Adios!

WORK CRAZY

Got to come back to work tmr. Damn it!
Haizzzzz......just thought of settling some stuffs.
I guess it will take some time for things to be back to normal again.
Can't wait to spend those Christmas gift vouchers! Yeah!
Got a whole lot of things to buy. Yippeeeee!!!!!
For now need to get back to work.
Despite being hectic, I'm feeling all excited today.
Wondering the reason for it.....
I guessed I know the reason why. *wink*
Yes, I can't wait for it. Cheers to you!
Let's enjoy the whole damn thing again, shall we?

The beginning of Year 2008

It's just a change in the number from 7 to 8.
A new year.....new beginning.......
At this point of time, I can barely understand myself....
Whatever is going in my brains right now....for I can't think at all.
I just feel like doing whatever I feel like doing.
And is it ever true I'm in denial with what I actually want in life?
I can't say much but there's a whole lot of truth in it whereby
I'm very much in conflict with my inner thoughts and emotions.
I learnt a lot over the years....downfall and all.
Heartbreak, disappointment.....more and more in fact.
Going into a something that was forbidden in the very first place.
And it knocked me down hard. I came stumbling down.
Picked myself up back,get over it and move on in life.
Am I actually enjoying all of it as well?
More of these thrilling rides tempting me now but then again,
I'm in denial with myself! And yeah its the whole truth.
Keep avoiding it all until it came to a point, I burst!
Keep wanting more of everything....hell man!
Emotions being on the roller coaster ride.
After a whole thrilling journey came to an end, emptiness will
succumb me and the whole process starts all over again.
When will it all end then? What the F!
I find it a bore to get on with rightful things.
I think I deserve to be shot in the head. Sigh.....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Celebrated the New Year with beloved gerlfrens.
It's just so fun with us drinking the "wine" and all.
Like real wine...haha..its sparkling juice!!!!! Yeah!
Welcoming 2008 in awe watching the fireworks at Esplanade.
So nice....in the company of beloved frens.....
It's just so sweet. May it be a better year for all of us!
Cheers to US!!!!!