Everything seems dead

A sensitive overflow thru emotional tears flowing endlessly.....
Laminates the fire of my heart greatest fears.
Now all lost....this heart shattered.
It's the simple things that truly matter to me now.
I slowly drift to seclusion to a land unknown to me.
Think of all the wasted dreams I discarded.
I can feel myself losing consciousness during the night.
Drifiting to a dark, painful world.....
I cry into the darkness trying to find my way
but the voice that envelopes me is begging me to stay.

Substance of my attaction

Something is taking place.
Your innnocent regard is cruelly charming to me now.
To stroke your cheek is something I do not dare.
Irregular meters beat between your heart and mine.
My longing for you grows full but time's emptied me.
This lust is most forbidden yet it's irresistible.
Afraid of these awakening desires, I stays hidden.
Hidden from you.....but you don't realise it.
I'm afraid to experience this unquenchable desire.
All along it's been for her.....
She had her will of me and she will not let my struggling spirit in itself be free.

Moving forward

Thanks to you for being my lunch companion.
The day goes fine it seems today.
A smile on my face now for whatever happened, hold ur head
up high and face the world. The strength is all in you.
Tell yourself tomorrow will be a better day.
Whatever happened will be forgotten and past.

In conflict with your inner self

As time passes by, things change.
It all happened so fast you can't seem to do anything.
U just feel it...those special feelings u have for that one person.
It's not the kind of usual closeness. Gone are the carefree days.
But something else which you just can't describe.
It's not just those feelings which makes u in conflict with ur inner self.
But rather how far are you going to stay this way?
Will your life lead you the same way it has lead you the past years?
You seems scared....rather be in denial....
I pray for you....pray that nothing happens to you.
Stay this way...stay the way you are now.....don't ever change....
How much u long for this person, let it all buried inside.
Infatuation passes in time....have faith in yourself dearest...
Those darkest secrets you have all in your heart....
Sleepless nights...Unfulfilled desires.....Aching for that one person...
I know it's killing you....it will all passed.....

Tuscan's MADNESS

It's pure satisfaction! Totally loving it!
Enjoyed myself yesterday. Yeah! Hehe.
Thanks to my other half for her help last night.
I feel better today. But the pain is still there. Ouch!
Came late to work today due to heavy traffic jam.
I came in to office nearly 10 am. Damn late right.
Felt so tensed but really I can't escape the jam.
Should have gone out early lah actually but can't wake up.
Irresponsible Tuscan! Should not make it a habit.
I must say this is one of my bad habit coming to work late.
It started from my first job after graduation all the way till now. Haiz!

Let's see what my plan is today. Hmmmmm......
Meeting up with beloved sweethearts. Can't wait! :-)

For whatever he has done, I just can't forgive him this time.
Maybe in time to come I will but for now I'm still angry.
I have the utmost right to be upset since it concern my personal life!
How will you feel if you are in my shoes? Damn it!
I can't take it lying down this time. Never!
How can I ever trust this person again? How?

How do I feel today?

I feel much better after a good night sleep.
Much much better compared to yesterday!
I'm thinking of going away again...maybe this time by myself.
I am seriously thinking of it...maybe to somewhere very near.
What else is there to say now? I don't have the heart for it anymore.
To even say anything makes me want to puke.
Little thing angers me to the max. Sigh....
I never know someone like that my whole life!!!!!!
Sigh...I'm getting upset again! I don't feel safe now.
I need my beloved friends around me to calm me down.
Is it so diffcult to understand someone like me?

I can't wait for the clock to strike 6 pm!!!!!
I wanna go somewhere I love going! Yahoooo!!!!!
Really can't wait man! Hehehehee.....
Gonna enjoy myself to the max! Yeah!
So sad my sweetheart not going to be with me this time.

TC Hurt

It's upsetting as it is....disappointment....feelings of betrayal.....
There's no turning back to what's been said and done.
I don't think I ever met such a person ever in my life.
All is gone now. Think there's nothing more to be said.
When trust is lost and I got no faith in it anymore.

Seeking excitement!

I got it so easily this time.
Can't help feeling excited and thrilled.
Been contacting for quite some time now.
Should I go ahead with it???????
Called it madness whatsoever.....I don't give a damn this time!

It's true when you go for trips its better to go with people yang tak cerewet.
We are referring to people we go with for trips.....
Like normally I go with fun and crazy people who are so easy going....
So damn difficult to go with friends who cerewet about food, places etc etc....

Half Day Leave

Can't concentrate on work today due to some reasons.
Why again this thing happened???? Why?
I just can't believe he made these stupid mistakes again.
Never ever think this person will ever learn his lesson. Damn!!!!!
I don't care what others think whether it's a small matter or whatever.
The thing that matters is for me it's a damn big matter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I f****** hate this kind of thing coming from this idiot!!!!!!!!!!
Damn it man! I don't think I can ever forgive this time round.
So please leave me alone.

Good thing I met my beloved and we had a pretty nice time together.

Back from Tioman Trip:9/8/07-11/08/07

Back again from another trip....Yeah man!
It's Tioman this time. It's my very first time visiting Pulau Tioman.
We went to stay at Genting Bayu Chalet....hmmmm....
Accomodation wise I must say not really that comfy.....
Due to unforseen circumstances. Hehehehehe.......
Went to Tioman with the EQ,MiharuChan & family and Ida, Adik's friend.
Pretty fun bunch I must say.....Fun people.....
And the gerls. so crazy as usual.....and there's one part I must never leave out.
I'm really proud of myself this time.....really really proud. Hehehehe....
I really brave myself this time round and really did snorkeling!!!!!!!
I swam from the shore at one of the island at Tioman called Taman Laut.
Quite a nice place.....it's quite scary for me ok people.....
For someone who can't swim....and have a lil bit of water phobia!
But this time round I brace the storm and swam all the way to the middle.
Went to platform and "jumped" down from it!!!!!!!!!!!
And swim and snorkel all the way.....Can't believe I did it man!
Must say a big thank you to our tour guide Mohd Noor for
giving me the utmost motivation to overcome my water phobia.
Dat time at Krabi I snorkeled too but for a while and I will go up the speedboat.
It's my first time snorkel ok....and suddenly they stopped at the middle of the sea
so deep wah sey......for sure I get cold feet right for my first time.
But again I told myself to overcome the fear.....keep motivating myself.
And I know with a little of time, Tuscan can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And she really did it this time! Yeah man! Such a great feeling!
It remind of the time I went down the Subarashi at Fantasy Island.
No matter how many times I went to Fantasy Island I keep saying a BIG NO
to go down that Subarashi. Crazy! But then some frens asked me to try.
And again I braved the storm calm myself down.
I still remember as I lie down on that thing, I tried to get up again and
and that abang melayu said to me to just give it a try no harm
Thanks to him for motivating and the I closed my eyes!
And tada!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I went down!!!!!!!!!!!! Power lah dey!!!!!!!!!
Just can't believe I got this guts in me man.....
July went to Krabi....Aug to Tioman......so where else gerls???
I would love to visit Redang, Langkawi and also Perhentian.
And I would love to go back to Krabi too and stay at Phi Phi Island itself.
I want to snorkel and snorkel.....and if I really managed to overcome my fear
maybe learn to swim and learn diving with EQ and MiharuChan!!!!!!
Love these gerls man...so full of energy....so damn crazy too.....
Being friends with them really make me crazy man!!!!!!!!
Hahahahahhaaha......they are the crazy ones.....not me.....hehee

Holiday Mood!

Have yet to pack for tomorrow's trip!
Been so busy these few days with what else but monthly closing!!! Sigh!
I just hope this getaway will do me good.....I need the break.....Again....
I need my gerls....Miss their warmth.....really miss them man....
Glad will be enjoying these few days with them...Yippeeee!!!!!
Got to go home asap...pack my things for the trip.....and have some sleep....
Got to wake up as early as 4.30 am since the meeting place is far away....
It's the first time I won't be in Singapore during National Day.
Something unexpected just happened and it kind of turned my life around. Damn it!
I will make sure I won't let it affect me anymore. No way!
Life is just too precious....But again I did a major mistake this very morning.
I think I'm purposely planning suicidal! Sigh! No way!

Tuscan getting MAD!!!!!!!!!!

Definitely something is not right with me.....
Something is definitely not right....
What the F********************
To hell yah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Special Day

Today is a special day for my dearest beloved Moskva.
May u be blessed with everlasting happiness babe....
And hopefully there will never be a barrier between us.
Stay as it is babe....the way you are in our friendship......

I'm happy to see her at bro house yesterday.
All we siblings gather together.....
Such a great feeling...and remembering the childhood times....
I just hope we will stay close....no matter what happens....
And I believe now that "Blood is really thicker than water."